The Shadow That Still Haunts Me: A Persona 4 AU
by Lleimi
Summary: One-shot. OC/Lloyd. Persona 4 AU. After facing herself, Reimi can no longer face Lloyd and he wants to know why.


**The Shadow That Still Haunts Me:**

 **A Persona 4 AU**

 _Set after Reimi is saved from the 'TV World' and has confronted and accepted her 'shadow': She becomes happier and more open with her friends and herself, just as the others had once they'd gone through the same trial. However, despite her new contentment, Reimi was still unable to address her feelings for Lloyd, her best friend, who, thanks to her 'shadow', now knew of them too. So, she took to the only route she knew: avoiding the subject and Lloyd himself._

 _After two weeks of this behaviour she is cornered on the school roof (a recent refuge she often stayed at when she needed to hide) by Lloyd._  
-

The door that led to the roof gave a low, lengthy creak as it opened, startling Reimi to look towards it. She froze when her eyes met Lloyd's, whom was the very reason she had come to the most isolated place in school to begin with.

Reimi watched while the door slowly, yet heavily, close shut with a loud 'clunk'. The noise resonated a finality that made Reimi's stomach drop.

"Hey Reimi," Lloyd greeted, but the mirthless tone and small smile that failed to reach his eyes did not go unnoticed.

"O-oh, Lloyd," She smiled, one that matched Lloyds' in sincerity, "I-" But she cut herself off.

She had no idea what to say to him; far too aware of the 'elephant in the room' that was laid so obviously in between them. She tried to find her voice as she stared helplessly at her blocked escape. Unfortunately, Lloyd followed her line of sight and sighed tiredly but didn't move aside.

"Reimi, you can't keep running away from me," His intonation was flat but he tried to lighten the mood with a half-smile.

Reimi's eyes widened and her mouth opened to deny against the accusation, then decided it'd be pointless. Lloyd wasn't an idiot (despite what others might have said), it was clear she was avoiding him and so was the reason. However, she couldn't help feeling a little angry that he had sought her out - to what? Reject her? Give her the 'I only see you as a friend' speech? There was _really_ noneed to. She hadn't asked him out or confessed, her feelings had just been outed without her control and he had no right to force a rejection on her.

She inwardly reprimanded her angry feelings, which she knew only came from the apprehension of what was to come. It wasn't Lloyd's fault, but her emotions ruled over reason.

"Lloyd, can we not do this? Please?" She begged.

At her words Lloyd's face went blank, guarded; an expression she had never seen on him before.

They were far apart. Lloyd not moving from the roof's only exit while Reimi was still stood by the gridded fence that was fixed around the roof's edge. The silence that followed was uncomfortable and Reimi tried to think of an excuse to leave, however, as if having had read her mind, Lloyd broke the silence.

"Reimi… What did you mean before, 'to fall in love with your best friend'?"

Reimi's tensed, surprised at the directness of the question and not just that, but Lloyd still wasn't smiling; it concerned Reimi.

She didn't want to think about what her other-self had said, and yet it was already ringing in her ears:

" _You were even stupid enough to fall in love with your best friend. Something else that will only lead to a dead end because you're just not good enough."_

At that time, Reimi had been struck with such horror she refused to turn to her group of friends whom had come to save her. She didn't want to see their faces, especially Lloyd's.

Reimi was hurt at Lloyd's forcefulness and that he didn't hold any of his usual gentleness that he typically carried in spades. What was he trying to do by making her say it? She would have tried to run away, although… She was tired of hiding, and again, it wasn't his fault. It was hers.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Lloyd," She struggled to keep her voice level.

There was a pressure building behind her eyes and a lump in her throat, but quickly steeled herself to hold back her tears. It was steadily growing more difficult though, he just looked so… disappointed. At what? Reimi wasn't sure, she assumed probably at her.

"You're in love with Zelos," He said plainly.

Reimi eyebrows shot together.

 _What?_

"What?"

"It's okay, I'm happy for both of you. You've been inseparable for the past month," he smiled but it looked as tight as Reimi's heart felt.

He wasn't entirely wrong though. Zelos and her had been spending a lot of time together for a while now, however, that was only because he had found out about her feelings for Lloyd and confronted her about them. Zelos had cheered her on and supported her the whole time, and Reimi was extremely grateful for that, although she never once thought of Zelos as anything other than a cherished friend. Besides, he had quickly admitted his own feeling for Sheena as a show of good faith.

Reimi was…perplexed to say the least. If Lloyd thought she was in love with Zelos, then what did he think she had been avoiding him for? It didn't make sense. Maybe she should agree, then they might be able to return to normal again. However, after a moment, she quickly discarded the notion, it could cause trouble for Zelos and Sheena if a rumour were to spread.

"N-no, I'm not in love with Zelos," She said awkwardly.

"You don't need to lie, Reimi. I'm okay and I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to avoid me any more… I know how you feel and respect that. I just want us to be friends again…" He paused before he murmured, "I've missed you."

"W-why do you think I've been avoiding you?" She questioned tentatively.

Lloyd looked extremely put out by the question and the silence that followed was long enough that Reimi was sure he wouldn't answer.

"I have to say it?" He chuckled humourlessly and the pained expression on his face made Reimi want to take back her words, "You…feel guilty that I- Because of my feelings."

Reimi let the words sink in, but it only added to her confusion. Lloyd was struggling to look at _her_ now.

"What? _Your_ feelings?"

"Yeah… Wasn't what why?" He said slowly, worriedly.

Reimi needed to be certain so she asked again, "So, you think I'm in love with Zelos and I was avoiding you because of your feelings?"

"…You sound like you didn't know that," Lloyd said with a slightly panicked expression.

"I don't understand what you mean," Reimi shook her head mystified.

"I mean: You've been avoiding me because you found out I lo- that I like you and feel guilty because you love Zelos," He explained, as if exhausted.

There was another beat of silence and when Reimi realised she was staring at Lloyd in shocked confusion she turned her gaze to hear shoes. She was sure what she had heard couldn't be true. Lloyd couldn't love her… She didn't understand why he said he did.

"You don't love me. That's impossible."

"Reimi?" Lloyd's voice had filled with concern at Reimi's aggrieved expression and at how she had suddenly curled into herself, as if for protection.

"You're lying," Her words quivered while her tears threatened to spill.

Lloyd expression turned puzzled and somewhat upset, "Why would I lie about that? So… Wait – You didn't actually know?!"

"I've never heard anything like that. And it's not funny," Reimi's voice rose and her hands trembled by her sides. She didn't understand what he was trying to do.

"I'm not trying to be funny! I don't understand why…" His words died away, distracted by another thought, "Why _were_ you avoiding me if you didn't know?"

Reimi finally looked up at the same moment her tears beginning to fall, her face looked weary and defeated. When her eyes met with Lloyd's he seemed shocked, worried and some other emotions Reimi couldn't focus on. Then, before she could even begin to shut down the conversation, Lloyd was stalking over towards her.

She unconsciously took a step back, and in turn, Lloyd to stop a few feet away from her.

"Reimi… What's wrong? I…I said I respected your feeling and that there's nothing to feel guilty about so, please don't cry."

Reimi saw how panicked and worried Lloyd was, and could tell he was struggling not to come closer and comfort her; just like he had done without hesitance in the past.

 _Lloyd… Doesn't lie. He's never once lied to me._

Reimi took a shaky breath. She thought back to when she had met her 'other self' in the TV world, how scared she was of being forgotten, scared of being unsuccessful. What Reimi learned from her shadow was that if she continued to force unreachable expectations on herself then she would never be able to move forward and be happy. She had friends that truly cared for her, a family that supported her dreams, and she liked her art and she liked herself. She knew that all the doubts and insecurities wouldn't disappear overnight, but she'd fight them so they didn't keep her tied up.

She thought this might be a good way to start.

"Lloyd…" Reimi began gently with a small smile as she rubbed away the wetness from her eyes, "You have _always_ been my best friend."

Lloyd stilled for a moment then turned his attention to the floor and Reimi watched as the cogs turned inside his head. Her courage waned and her nervousness grew. With her short shot of conviction depleting as doubt clouded her mind the longer the silence lasted, she headed towards the cleared exit while Lloyd stood distracted. She would give him time to think.

Although it was an indirect confession and she was running away again, she still felt proud of taking that small step forward.

However, as soon as her hand was around the door handle another hand, one not her own, shot over her shoulder and slammed against the door, keeping it tightly shut. Reimi's heart sped up when she felt warmth along her back where Lloyd was stood behind her; only keeping a few inches between them. He was lent forward, his hand which was against the door taking most of his weight, with his head was hung low that his forehead almost touched her left shoulder.

"Please…. Please tell me I didn't misunderstand you," The words were only above a whisper, with an almost pleading inclination.

"I…" Reimi kept her eyes on the door in front of her as she forced the words out, despite the fear that tried to hold them back, "I love you."

It came out taut, nevertheless, she said it.

And then the warmth by her side disappeared; as if she had said the magic words to riddance him. Silent tears swelled and fell from her eyes and she cursed how quick she was to cry.

A hand grasped her shoulder and she let herself be gently turned around, too defeated to fight it. Two hands cupped her head and coaxed her to look up at Lloyd. When she finally relented, he was smiling and his thumbs brushed away her tears that still insisted on spilling.

"I love you too," His wide smile never having left his face.

Reimi simply looked up at him, bewildered.

Suddenly, she was being lifted by the waist and spun around as Lloyd laughed the most joyous laugh Reimi had ever heard him make. He gently placed her back on the ground and took her hands in his.

"Reimi, I love you so much. I've loved you not long after we met two years ago," He said fondly and unabashed.

"M-me too," Her stubborn nerves making her stutter, "I'm sorry I avoided you before… I was scared. I…I never thought it was possible for you to have the same feelings as me."

Lloyd smiled warmly and swept away some of her hair behind her ear.

"It's okay. I was scared too," He grinned sheepishly, "And I know you have doubts but I hope you will start to have more faith in yourself from now on. Rely on my more, I won't leave your side," He promised.

"Thank you… I'll try to be braver from now on," Reimi smiled shyly and squeezed one of his hands.

Lloyd beamed at her as he let go of one of her hands but keeping a grip on the other.

He laughed happily as he dragged her towards the door, "Haha, let's go and tell the others the good news!"

Reimi's heart skipped a beat as she looked at their hands.

After they passed through the door and were walking down the stairs, Lloyd stopped for a moment and turned to Reimi with a curious gaze.

As they walked together hand in hand, "Oh yeah, why did you and Zelos grow so close lately?"

Reimi blushed at the question, "Oh, um, actually…"

THE END


End file.
